Taking Initiative, in Spite of Fears

Taking Initiative |  A Simple Haven

This is day 16 & 17 of a 31 days series on Living Boldly. To read the other posts, go here. Welcome!

I’ve moved enough to learn that if I want to make friends in my new town, I’m going to have to do the hard work of putting myself out there.

Of taking some initiative. Of not waiting around for everyone to come to my door, but to knock on some doors myself.

As an extrovert, taking initiative in relationships probably comes more naturally to me than some, but it can still get exhausting.

It can also be a little fear-inducing: What if they don’t like me? Is what I’m saying resonating with them at all? Am I going to find any kindred spirits?

So there’s a boldness needed to push past the fears that come with initiating–in hopes of really connecting with people and starting quality friendships.

I’ve also found that other fears can arise after you do find a kindred spirit.

Will it weird her out if I suggest getting together regularly? Does she like me as much as I like her? She said if I was ever in her neck of the woods, I should call her up–did she really mean that?

I’ve done this whole starting-over-and-making-new-friends thing about 50 times more than I’d like and the fears never totally go away.

But this year, my One Word pushed me toward being more intentional in my friendships.

To be more honest and say things that felt a little bold. To lay more cards on the table than I felt completely comfortable with. To put myself in potentially awkward situations.

Maybe I’ve just been lucky. A recipient of extra grace. Or maybe I just made the fears a whole lot bigger than they actually deserve to be.

Because it’s gone really well.

I found a new friend who I really connect with and am super encouraged by–we now get together every couple weeks after the kids are in bed. And on some days, those coffee dates are my lifeline.

But I had to ask.

I joined a Bible study at a church I don’t attend because I heard it was filled with older women and I’ve been craving the wisdom and company of a different generation. They’ve been so kind to me and I’ve loved the different perspectives and experiences represented.

But I had to show up knowing only a couple people. And feeling a bit like an outsider.

I went to a blogging conference and roomed with a friend I knew only from online and another girl I’d never met. They were great (great!) and it was a life-giving weekend.

But I had to say yes to going and yes to any potential awkwardness.

More points for boldness.

 Have you had to start over in relationships lately? Any words of wisdom for the rest of us? 🙂

P.S., you might also want to check out my blogging-friend Emily’s series, 31 Days of Gentleness for the Rest of Us. It compliments a series on boldness well :).


About Jenn

Jenn is a mommy of three and wife to her best friend. She enjoys good books, dinner guests, elevenses, and proper apostrophe use.

  • emmillerwrites

    And we met up IRL when you were in Chicago! That was very bold of you to reach out. 🙂